Hi everyone, sorry it has been so long since i last wrote, things have been rather topsy turvy for me in the last few weeks. I was ready to write a post 8 days ago looking forward to the coming season and all the great races it would bring, 6 days ago i was ready to give up racing my bike and i even wrote out a post explaining why. Now i'm ready to keep going but i'm far from happy, let me explain:
Apparently by holding a UK cat 1 road licence i am breaking UCI rule 1.1.009 this means i can be banned and i have had my licence (and associated category) revoked. Further it seems that even though i hold a UK passport, am legally a UK resident and cannot legally race in US national or state championships i must take out a USCF and not British Cycling licence. Even though i race more in the UK than the US, makes perfect sense, right? And of course it's not like anyone else is in violation of this rule (ahem ANY foreign pro in the US)
anyway to cut a long story short the USCF has given me a lower category licence, meaning i have to upgrade before i can do the races i had been targeting with the team. It could have been worse, i could have been banned.
This time last week i thought i was going to be banned, i thought i was loosing the whole way of life i had built for myself and i thought it was happening randomly to me and i had no idea why. I believe in Karma and i began to wonder what i had done.
After a couple of days of lying in bed wallowing in misery, alternated with riding so hard i vomited and not eating very much i decided to stop behaving like a miserable teenage girl and get on with things. I helped out at the Boulevard road race down here, and raced collegiate (the only licence i had left) to my great suprise i felt okay, until i flatted. There wasn't a follow car so i got to sit there in the freezing rain for 15 minutes and think about how shitty things had become so quickly. But once i got a wheel of one of the cat 3 riders and rode back to the HQ i realised i couldn't be so negative, not whilst i was around the UCSD team with so many people having just enjoyed thier first race.
The next day was a local crit, i raced collegiate A again, had a few digs off the front and felt good, but i couldn't get away from that sinking feeling, i wouldn't be racing the pro 12. i lined up alter to race the cat3 race, pretty convinced that i could win it, members of my old club had other ideas, i attacked a lot but they tried to neutralise all my moves and didn't chase down any other breaks. Some of their conduct was, in my opinion, dangerous to me and other riders and could have caused a bad crash.
Having realised that someone was out to get me like this i oddly began to feel better about my situation. It's much easier to cope with someone not liking you than a seemingly endless run of bad luck. I can beat these people, by being bigger and better than them.
So with that said im in an airport, and im about to fly across a continent to ride my bike, and someone else is paying for it. however hard people might try they can't take that away, i'm still part of a fantastic team who have stood by me and helped me. So yeah it might take a couple of months to get back to where i was, but at least when i get there i'll be more grateful than ever for it