Wednesday, 25 July 2012

lessons from a convalescent

I'm glad to report that my body is living up to it's side of the deal with regards to rest, healing and calcium consumption. I have been following my end of the deal as well, chiefly in the cafe where i am now, watching the trophy wives eat brunch, the finches eat most of the trophy brunch which the wives "couldn't possibly" finish and drinking cappuccinos (only until 11am though, otherwise it's frightfully gauche) . 

I visited my doctor again yesterday (Dr Richburg at SDSM, who continues to be the best ports medicine Dr in the world). He's recently become a big fan of displaying my x rays in the office before having me come out of my cubicle and do some hopping on my broken side. Apparently this is a positive sign, in just two weeks i have progressed from "hobbling miracle" to "hopping miracle". I got the go ahead to ride, inside for half an hour three times a week - about 2 weeks ahead of schedule, good news. I'm under strict instructions to keep using the crutch in bars, bike shops and at the track lest anyone "jump up on" me or get a little overzealous with the friendly arm punch. 

In the meantime, to occupy myself i have been swimming. Now, i have written about swimming before so i won't bore you with the initial details other than to update you on a specific niche of swimming which i had not yet discovered, that of open water swimming  I'm pretty sure this is like the cyclocross of the underwater world, it's pretty niche and pretty gnarly, you get really cold, you inevitably end up getting changed in the back of your car and it is not compatible with an undue amount of concern for aesthetics. Much like cyclocross people seem pretty excited about sharing their passion and teaching you and there isn't an undue amount of number free racer attitude. Unfortunately i have yet to encounter a sub aqua beer hand up, im pretty sure the seals could get involved in that but nobody has asked them.  

In the interest of not letting any knowledge go unshared, here's my list of open water tips for the bike racer pretending to be a swimmer: 

1) it's cold, even when the air is hot the water is bloody freezing. So buy a wetsuit, but get one on craiglsist or you'll look the overweight, overpaid dentist getting dropped on zipps. Don't worry about the wetsuit being all black, nobody will accuse you of being an undercover doper
2) there's really nowhere to put your sugar in a wetsuit, but i find the arms work best, just under your wrist. Alternatively you could go spinal tap and shove it in the swimshorts, but people you meet will likely get the wrong impression. dex 4 bottles are awkwardly shaped. 
3) the first time you see some sea life you WILL scream like a 13 year old girl at a justin beiber concert. Try to make sure this doesn't happen around anyone who you are trying to convince that you're a real grown up. 
4) kelp doesn't actually chase after you, wrap you up and suck you under. That's just in cartoons 
5) sharks are real but apparently mermaids aren't. Not fair eh?
6) there is nowhere to put your car keys in that wetsuit eather. make friends on the beach. 

there's probably some safety stuff you should think about but i'm not really one to lecture anyone on self preservation am I......


  1. I'm curious about this swimming business. Do you feel after a few open water swims that you've improved? I guess I'm not too terribly ashamed to admit that I ran over 9 miles the other day. And now I'm not too terribly ashamed to admit that this tri business doesn't sound too crazy. But I want to know that I'll improve at swimming readily should I decide to give it a shot.

  2. Also, I want to let you know that the squiggly word verification that I had to do in order to post a comment and prove that I'm not a robot was 'fixibro', which I'm thinking corresponds to what a reader of your blog says when someone asks, 'what kind of bike is that?'

    1. that is the most fantastic coincidence i have heard of in a long time, i'm planning on installing the hipsterfilter soon, it asks how wide your bars are and how tight your trousers are before you can post.

      I think the gains in swimming come pretty fast, just because i don't really use those muscles at all. With a wetsuit and some practice i think you'd get it pretty fast. You're in posession of a fair bit more upper body than me so i dare say you'd go well. If you ever want to come down and see the sharks in san diego i have acquired a futon